What It Takes To Come Alive
by GetItOvaWith
Summary: 17 year old Carlos starts a relationship with James. But when things go horribly wrong and James' anger issues come back he confides in Lucy and the two develop a strong bond. Then, slowly but surely she starts to become the most important person in his life. Carlos/James Kendall/Jo and possible Carlos/Lucy (hint hint). Rated T for violence and mature-ish themes.
1. Flashback

**_This is my first fan-fiction ever so make sure to send me reviews and critiques but don't judge me to hard._**

**_Prequel_**

_Carlos stood in the shower. He was all alone in the apartment, and while he would usually find something exciting to do while he was home alone, but right now he wasn't in the mood for games, the slide or even corn dogs (his guilty pleasure food.) He stood still in silence and let the water hit his face and chest and run down his back. He was becoming nauseous, like he always did when he was upset. A lot of emotions were running through his mind, but one overpowered the rest. His worry and anger were practically draped by his overall sadness._

_He felt alone._

_Not alone because he was the only one in the apartment, but alone because there was no one there to protect him._

_What happened was his Mother was on her way to visit him, but he had sprained his ankle so he couldn't drive to get her from the airport. He had asked James to do it, to which he had agreed, but when the time came James had disappeared for some reason. Carlos was angry, but then he realized he couldn't be angry at James, only for a little while, but all James had to do was give a half assed sorry and it was immediately ok._

_But that was besides the point._

_Carlos angrily called his best friend James, because after his parents had gotten to the airport they'd been waiting for around 30 minutes and texted Carlos on what was taking so long. He asked James where he was, James avoided the question, he asked James what he was doing, he avoided that again. James insisted he was on his way to pick up Carlos' mom, but Carlos knew it was a lie. "Just forget it!" he told him._

_His mom decided to catch a taxi, and she texted him saying she was on her way. Carlos had sat on the couch and began watching some T.v show, but it wasn't a very good one. "Nothing good is ever on at 8:30" he said. He closed his eyes for just a second and began leaning on the arm of the chair. Slowly and slowly he stopped hearing the T.V. and was soon fast asleep. Then he heard the door opening and turned around and saw James stumble in. James walked straight to his bedroom while Carlos looked at the time. It was 3:30 am. _

_Carlos tried calling and texting his mother but she didn't answer. He knew something was up but he had no way of reaching her. He tried calling the police but they told him to call them back when it has been 24 hours. He called his brother, and his aunt who were back at home but they had no idea what happened._

_The next morning he learned that his mother and a local taxi driver had died after being hit by a drunk driver._

_Carlos was devastated for the next several months, but with the help of his friends he was able to recover out of his depression and became the same happy, lovable guy he always was. The incident happened in December, and by July it was almost like it had never happened, Carlos still missed her, but he always told himself that she was up in heaven and if she looked down and saw him grieving about her instead of having fun and enjoying his life, then she would be very disappointed. He lived, he laughed, but one thing happened that changed his life for ever. _

_He fell in love._

_After his mother died, James was always there to comfort him and the two became closer than ever. Carlos didn't even know he was gay until he realized the way he felt about James. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. He had no idea what to do about it so he just sort of hoped James would feel the same way about him._

_And it was starting to appear like he didn't, but soon enough one august day Carlos accidentally let his feelings for James slip and James admitted he felt the same way and they kissed. It was only Carlos' second kiss and it was one of the best moments of his life. He was amazed by it but the next morning he woke up and James had gone out. He played it off and didn't tell anyone about the previous night, but when James came home and they were alone James told him more about how he felt about him and they fooled around this time. _

_But then came then disaster struck. Griffin caught the two boys one time in the bathroom kissing and immediately called a band meeting. They begged him not to tell anyone. But he decided since Logan was going off to law school, Kendall had gotten Jo pregnant and was moving it with her, and two of his band mates were gay it was time to end Big Time Rush. _

_He told each one of them the news separately and they all argued with him about why it wasn't fair. But Griffin told them about how with new band out like One Direction and The Wanted they were losing their target audience anyway. Their sales had fallen down the drain and they had to cancel multiple tour dates to poor ticket sales. He told them all simply, it was time for the band to end._

_The boys still all had a lot of money left over. Logan used his to pay to go to medical school back in Minnesota, and Kendall moved into Jo's apartment, which she had been sharing with Camille, but Camille moved in with Lucy. Carlos and James stayed put in the apartment, while Mrs Knight. Carlos was now really excited that he and his secret boyfriend were going to be living in an apartment together. He didn't want anyone to know he was gay just yet, and James would kill him if he told anyone about them too._

_But nobody needed to know, it wasn't their business anyway and he'd tell them when he was ready. Carlos had enrolled in a local high school with James and was on course to have the best senior year in history._

_Or was he?_


	2. Everything was Fine

Chapter 2: Everything was Fine

Carlos yawned and got up from the couch, he had fallen asleep. He slowly and tiredly got up and looked around for James, who still wasn't there, it was already 11:37. Carlos sighed and went into his room. He stripped off his pants and underwear and started rummaging through his drawer until he found his single, skimpy black speedo. He wasn't the biggest fan of wearing one but it made him really fast. He grabbed his towel and began walking down the stairs.

Carlos walked down the stairs quickly and quietly, he just finished a day of hanging out with Kendall, Lucy and Jo. They had smoothies, fun and Carlos' favorite, corn dogs. But as much as he liked seeing them he had someone else he wanted to go home and see, James. But when he got home James wasn't there. He had left at 5pm and it was now 8pm so Carlos figured he probably left and wrote a note telling him where he was.. He had sat down on the couch and waited for his boyfriend to come back because he missed him when he he fell asleep.

Carlos ran down the last few steps but tripped over the railing and fell face first into a trash can, which in turn titled over and knocked him out of it. He got up and smiled because he would of that what James would of said, but then he frowned because now he'd have to stop by the showers since some of that goop from the trash got onto him.

5 long minutes later he climbed the diving board that they had banned everyone from using during the day and jumped in, making a huge splash. He felt himself go under water and waiting a few seconds before swimming back to the surface. He loved the way it felt being submerged in the water. Ever since the palm woods turned into an apartment building Bitters had certain swim times for certain age groups, Carlos thought it was stupid and just snuck down here when he wanted to swim and clear his head.

After swimming a few laps he got out of the pool and went to put his shirt back on, but when he looked around it wasn't there. He looked under a couple pool chairs and saw it was nowhere to be found but then he heard a slight laugh coming from behind the new smoothie shack. He smiled, thinking it was James, but when he looked behind the shack he saw...

"Lucy?" He asked

"That's my name." she said. He reached her hand to help her up and she took it. She was dressed in a red bikini top and short denim shorts, and he couldn't help but check her out. Luckily she didn't notice, and he invited her to come into the pool.

She slowly walked over to the shallow end and laughed nervously. He jumped into the pool and held out his arms for her to jump into, she nervously laughed and kept hesitating. "Come On!" he encouraged "It's just water... I'm bored". She frowned and protested "Carlos, I can't swim!". Instead of sympathy all she got was a laugh. "It's three feet deep" he said. She glared at him for a while but then in a leap of faith jumped into his arms.

Or so she thought.

When she jumped in he dived out of the way and she did a belly flop and sank into the water. She emerged from under the water and started splashing at him, he laughed and splashed her back. They laughed while he slowly led her to the "4ft 6 inches" section of the pool. Then he turned to her and asked "What are you doing here?" She smiled and answered "Well, even though I can't swim and hate water I've let some crazy former boy band member wearing a pair or panties convince me to risk my life at 12:00pm alone because "He's bored". she said, doing air quotations around the last two words. Carlos looked down at his speedo and felt awkward, as he getting a little turned on by this and he didn't know why and didn't want it to show.

He looked up at her and she smiled. "Really though nice outfit." Then she got really close to him and whispered "Don't worry, I can't see your boner..." He responded by splashing her in the face and they continued splashing at each other for a little longer. "Like I didn't catch you checking me out?" he taunted. She looked at him, genuinely confused. "Wait, was that before or after you got hit in the head with a tube."

"What?" he asked, confused.

Lucy swung the pool tube at his head with all her might but he caught it and stuck his tounge out at her. "Why did you steal my shirt?" he asked. She brushed it off. "Because..." Carlos grinned "Because you like seeing me shirtless?" he asked as her face turned red. She rolled her eyes and the chuckled "Yea, WHATever floats your boat..." "So I'm right..." he asked. "Whatever floats your boat" she insisted. "Whatever flies your plane, whatever tickles your pickle and most importantly whatever fills your speedo." she said as she climbed out of the pool. Without even looking at him she knew he was checking her out.

He looked like he was thinking for a comeback but she stopped him "Goodnight, Carlos." Then she picked up his shirt and said "Oh, and here is your shirt" and threw it in the pool before walking away. Carlos groaned but couldn't help but smile, Lucy was really cool and funny. He dried off and just walked back up to his room in his towel he unlocked the door and walked in the dark apartment.

He walked into his bedroom and took off his towel. Right when he was about to start changing someone burst in the door. Carlos turned around and saw James and was happy he was finally home. James, however, was furious.

"Where the Hell have you been?" James angrily asked.

Carlos mumbled "I could ask you the same thing..." taken aback by James' anger.

James didn't think it was funny. He got in Carlos' face and threatened "Do you have something to say to me?". Carlos' observed James before answering. He had red, bloodshot eyes and smelled like alcohol. Carlos' wasn't surprised, ever since Logan left James started hanging with a new group of friends. Carlos barely saw him but when he did they had a lot of fun together. He could tell Jo and Lucy kind of missed him, and so did Kendall, a lot, but nobody really ever messaged it.

He still hadn't said anything.

James snorted and walked away "that's what I thought..."

Carlos called out "No I do have something to say!" James turned around with the same angry look on his face. "What?" he said, invading Carlos' personal space again."

Carlos let it all out. "You stink! You always come home smelling like whisky or beer and I never see you anyway so I don't even know why you're mad at me." he shouted, agreeing with himself as he went on. "I went out because you stood me up for 3 hours! Maybe if you weren;t so drunk all the time you could remember something."

Carlos regretting saying the last sentence, no matter how true it was. But before he could apologize he felt a hard elbow smash into him right under his eye. He fell on the floor and held it, stunned at what happened. James glared down at him with an unforgiving look and said in a soft but threatening tone "Don't you ever talk to me like that again... EVER!" Carlos looked up at him and yelled in frustration. "You're such a jerk sometimes!"

James, who was facing the other way, stopped dead in his tracks. Carlos began to get up but then faster then he could blink James had turned around and kicked him in the stomach with all his might. Carlos screamed and gagged in pain, holding his stomach on the floor. James laughed "You really don't know when to shut up do you." and he turned and walked out the door.

Carlos held his stomach in pain for a while. About 10 minutes later got up, and without changing from his semi-dry speedo just went to bed. Before he fell asleep he tried to think of the times when James had ever hit him. Then he tried to think of the times James had ever hit anyone else. He found out both questions had the same answer... "Never." Then he remembered seeing James through some anger meds into the trash. He knew James had anger issues, but he had been on the medication so long Carlo's hadn't sen him angry since they were two.

He could feel his eye starting to swell and he silently groaned. He snuggled up more into the covers and thought about Lucy. He decided he would hang out with her instead of James tomorrow until James cooled down. He smiled thinking about Lucy, but any time he would fall deep into thought about her it was interrupted by memories of James kicking him. Carlos' was very angry, but as the night went on he cooled himself down. He had decided that since he and James loved each other, and knew each other for 10 years he could 5 years he could let this minor issue slide. Sure Carlos was angry, but the he remembered something his mother always told him. "If you truly love someone then your forgiveness should come easily to them." So he decided, since he truly loved James, he would forgive him without even thinking and that was that.

And with that he was finally able to fall asleep after that long night of being awake he knew in the morning James would probably apologize and he would let him know it as Ok. Because everything was fine.

Everything _was _fine.


	3. What Now?

_Ok, so so far I've gotten not a lot of reviews, so I'd appreciate if you guys as readers who see this would just type a review for me if you have the time. Let me know how you feel about the story, critique it please or tell me what you like. Thanks._

Carlos woke up to the sweet smell of his favorite food, chocolate chip pancakes. He smiled as he got up, and that's when he noticed the throbbing pain under his left eye. Then he remembered what had happened the night before and frowned a little bit, then he went straight to the bathroom and stood in front of the counter, inspecting his black eye. He started thinking and he realized that James was always has innocent as he remembered him to be.

He remembered back in the 9th grade, when some jerk in their science class shoved Logan down, James tackled him a beat him until the guys pulled him off of him. He didn't even care that he had gotten suspended. In the 8th grade when Carlos was the new kid and they got into an argument at lunch James dumped his chicken soup on Carlos' head. Carlos was furious at him but just left.

Carlos laughed thinking of how his relationship with James had started. The two had been bitter enemies, Carlos had just moved to Minnesota and hadn't really made any friends. Eventually, he became friend with Logan and Kendall, but he and James had a rough start. Maybe it was one day during his first week of school 8th grade he gave him a wedgie for wearing the same shirt has him. Or when he was performing at the school play and James snuck behind him and shoved his pants down. But it was all in good fun. Carlos washed off his face and walked out the bathroom, not knowing what to expect.

James was sitting at the table, half eaten pancakes covered in strawberry sauce. James hated syrup, it makes his face break out. Carlos awkwardly sat down across the table from James, who was busy on the phone. Their was already a plate with 3 pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage, and even his favorite on the pancakes... vanilla flavored syrup. Carlos stared wide-eyed at the plate and James finally looked up.

"Your welcome." he said, his tone lacking any feeling.

Carlos tried not to be awkward about the night before. "Oh... uhh.. hey james. Thanks for... this food." he said. He scrunched up his face in frustration at the awkwardness of his response. James just went back to his phone.

Carlos looked up at James "Jamie, can we talk?"

James looked puzzled, then realized it was a nickname or something. Then he pointed to his phone "I'm_kinda_ busy."

Carlos persisted, but calmy and almost... afraid. After shoving down a mouthful of food he said "I _kinda... really_ wanna talk right now."

James looked irritated "I _kinda... really_need you to wait." Carlos frowned and continued with is breakfast. He drowned the eggs in ketchup and drowned the pancakes AND sausages and syrup and forked them down. James couldn't even look up, thinking of all the calories added to his already somewhat unhealthy breakfast. After Carlos finished devouring the food he noticed James staring at him "It was really good!' he said, excited. James half smiled and walked over to the couch, and Carlos sat down with him.

James yawned and said "I'm still kinda tired."

Carlos yawned with him and sighed "So about last night..." he trailed off.

James quickly apologized and wrapped his arm around Carlos. "I'm really sorry about that... I hope you can forgive me because that was out of line." He turned to face Carlos and looked deep into his eyes. He leaned in and kissed his boyfriend and the passionately kissed before James got up and turned off the lights.

"Nap time?" James said playfully. Carlos nodded as James laid down on the couch and Carlos laid down with, the two boys cuddling. They started to fall asleep and James whispered "Do you forgive me Carlos?" Carlos smiled and whispered "Yea James, Yea I do." James did a mini fist pump and went to sleep. Carlos smiled about how whenever anyone was mad at James, James always couldn't stop apologizing till he they gave in. Carlos smiled at his boyfriend's quirks and finally went to sleep beside him.

Carlos rolled over on the couch before promptly falling off and banging his head on the coffee table. He groaned and held his head as he slowly got up and looked around. Where was James? He looked to the bathroom and saw the light was on ad assumed James was in there.

Carlos went to the kitchen and grabbed a pack of oreos, he was hungry! He looked at the clock and it was already 5:00pm. That means he had slept 5 hours from when he ate at 12. Carlos had never waited that long to eat. He started eating the oreos and then he sat down at the counter of the apartment he and James shared. His views was directly on the bathroom, which had the shower on and a lot of loud noise coming from it. He held the packet of oreos and went to the bathroom.

He knew James had busted the lock a week ago, so getting in wasn't a problem. But as he walked into the bathroom he say James, Jett and 3 other guys all around a little plastic table. They all looked at him with somewhat shocked faces, but James looked the most surprised.

The boys were doing cocaine... right there in his bathroom, with his boyfriend. Carlos just stared, mouth open as an awkward silence fell throughout the room They all slowly started to get up and leave an Carlos just walked away silently to his room, James followed him screaming his name.

Carlos ran away and slammed the door. As he sat down on his better a desperate James ran through the door frantic eyed and apologetic. He ran to Carlos but Carlos pushed him away. James fell on the ground and didn't get up. He just sat their and looked up at James.

Carlos looked down to him and said "What the fuck?"

James began "Carlos I am SO sorry and.."

Carlos cut him off "You know how I feel about drugs."

A lot of Carlos' cousins and friends had been involved in drugs, so whenever the issue of drugs came up Carlos always made it clear he wanted no part in them nor did he want to see any of his friends involved. He wasn't happy that James started Alcohol but now he was just plain disappointed.

James struggled to come up with a response as Carlos shoved an down his mouth. James rolled his eyes and argued "You know how I feel about you!"

Carlos had another oreo in his mouth " Well James..."

James cut him off this time. "Could you stop fucking eating for one second! God! No wonder you're getting so fat!"

Carlos swallowed hard on his oreo, which probably wasn't a good idea, seeing as he nearly choked. "You know what.." Carlos said, in a low voice. "I'm going to go hang out with my friends." and he walked towards the door.

James angrily glared after him and shouted "And I'm going to hang out with my _real_friends you jackass!"

Carlos angrily ran out the door and tried to calm down. He looked around and he realized Jo and Kendall were probably busy.

All he could think was... What now?

And that's when he figured out what he needed to do, he needed to find Lucy.

He need to find Lucy.


End file.
